A day to Love Luton.

'Heavy rains and driving winds forecast for the weekend!' said the weather forecast on my iPhone. I was cycling back from a 12 hour shift at work and hoping to spend some quality time with my little family. We ate crisps and pop-corn and watched a DVD of THE CROODS, much to the children's glee. We had milkshake and chocolate buttons, and the girls showed me their pumpkins, carved with their father helping them. Later, he'd watched smilingly, as they painted the lanterns with red, gold, orange and blue. I cleared my dinner dishes away and we both watched the girls fall asleep with the film still running....Rani was the first to nod off!

My other-half peeped in, from the back garden window and we shared a laugh at how quickly the kids fall asleep when a film is on and its finally time to watch something they have always liked! I told him about the weather warnings on my BBC Weather App, and we debated the time the clocks would actually go back an hour to end the BST. I said it would be midnight on Sunday, a few hours later, while hubby said it should be on Monday at 0000Hrs... I checked my e-mails while he smoked outside in his shed, in the company of Blaze and Sam, our two German Shepherds who are always eager to play! After some simple conversation, we both fell asleep too, and I roused myself to find the clocks had automatically gone back!

Better still, my e-mail to the Love Luton Half-Marathon Organizers' volunteer Co-Ordinator had a reply! I was happy and relieved to note that I could bring my girls along to the Venue as I had signed up as a volunteer for the Love Luton half-marathon. At the last minute, early that week, I had shot off the mail to Ms Sinead, the Local Council Head of 'Environment and Regeneration' panicking that having the kids with me might not be allowed.... Her reassuring reply and suggestion that we all help at the last mile WATER STATION made me sleep easy. I told the kids in the morning, as their Daddy was getting ready for work, perhaps we could all go out and help the Race (as my girls called the Marathon!) Runners.

The next morning, after an extra hour in bed (thanks to the end of BST), the kids awoke easily, when I emerged from the shower, and Raj got read for work. We all said goodbye and the kids excitedly peppered their Dad's face with kisses and a quick hug, and we all left home before half-past Seven.
At the Venue for the event, the girls clutched my hand and their water bottles, as we looked for signage that would guide us to the Briefing location for the team of Volunteers. Since this was the first time we were volunteering at an event, we agreed to stay together and search together. There were hundreds of people with fluorescent jackets, emblazoned with logos for their groups and for a while, we felt lost....

Soon, we entered the building and were guided towards the Cafe Bar upstairs, where we would be briefed. I met and started talking to a Lady who was a seasoned runner, whilst the girls sat down and looked around...  but she'd had to pull out of the race when she had a fall whilst out on the circuit, and decided to volunteer instead. There were about 150 Volunteers that day and the Team briefing was followed by a ten-minute break for an egg and bacon roll for those who wanted to 'fuel' up for a big day!! I checked the route and found I and Angie, the Lady I was talking to earlier was at the same WATER STATION along the route. After the 'breakfast' (which my daughters ate in instalments, may I add!) two buses took us around and dropped off at our stations along the soon-to-be-active routes. It was close to about 09:00 AM when we reached the 12 Mile Water Station, with Angie and Paul (another seasoned runner who chose to volunteer this time) estimating the first runners to filter through after 11:00 AM.....

Initially, the kids were quiet, taking in their surroundings, although Shivangi made a lot of friends, saying, "Hello!" to others on the volunteers bus, whilst shy little Rani stood hugging me (there was no room on the bus to sit initially, as we were all packed in the buses!) and stole little smiles at me!! Angie and I stood together, near the front of the bus and listened to the other volunteers chat affably, some having arrived from all the way in Brighton. When I expressed my surprise at the long journey they'd made to volunteer, they burst into laughter and said, "Yeah! That's cuz you Luton people don't want to volunteer..!" I laughed back and said, we are a big Town but this is our first (of many to come, I hope!!) Half-Marathons, so we could use the expert help!!After we were dropped off, we took stock of the tables, bottles of water and cups left for us to set up the Water Station.... The girls sat on a nearby parapet and ate the remains of their Bacon rolls. Around half past ten, we saw the Marathon Marshalls on their bikes and Paul and Angie said we could get people trickling in within the hour. So we got busy setting up the water station and soon enough, we had half the table full of cups of water, and decided to stop for the time being.

The girls soon started talking to Angie and Paul, and told them about the time when they climbed up the Dunstable Downs from the bottom of the road, up the trail and to the top. Sometime after noon, the runners started coming through faster and closer, so as we grown ups set up the cups, the children ran to the roadside and tried to pass them on to the runners. A lot of times, we saw the cup grasped into their hands briefly, but the runners' pace meant that they had just a few sips of water in the cup. This gave us an idea.... we started taking the tops off the bottles and replacing them, just lightly twisted into place so that the runners could grab the bottles and run with them, as they drank. What invariably happened was that they threw the used cups off to the side of the pavement as they ran, so the kids, Paul and I helped by clearing up the area afterwards, picking up all the rubbish to make sure it did not end up in the little stream that runs along the road into Luton Town.

Sometime during the afternoon, a Herald and Post photographer took pictures of the kids giving water to the runners and even to this day, the girls remember the fun they had on that blustery October morning!! Rani says "I can't believe we've got our pictures in the paper, Mummy!" and that makes me smile inside. After the last runners were through, we all walked into town and took pictures with Angie, before she was picked up by her husband. Paul lived in Milton Keynes, so he took a bus from town to get home. As the kids gave them both goodbye hugs and high fives, I felt a sense of peace and happiness I cannot describe. Not only did Shiv behave fantastically well all day, she was involved and attentive and ready to help all day. We then walked into Mc Donald's and bought them both Happy Meals, before taking a bus back home after a brilliant day!!

The Little Magpie

Ever wonder how hard it is to follow the thought process of a child like mine!? I mean, if its about following the trail of destruction and messiness that she leaves in her wake, I can reconstruct her damage-inflicting spree of bored disdain with a great deal of accuracy. Chocolate, cheese, drinks and soap, water, washing-up liquid, cushions and clothes... nothing is safe from her when she gets into that mood.
It's almost as if I can see what, when and how she feels a certain way, but the WHY escapes me... Invariably, it is the subtle, quiet workings of her mind that flummox me. How do I 'train' myself to re-wind from an unexpected situation and conclude that she had a hand in the cookie-jar, so to speak??! Simply put, my approach to mayhem is no evidence, no blame.... I always blame the stress factor in my own life on my inability to find things, and I have an appalling sense of recall. I put things in the same place for years, and if I change that place to render the article safe from my ever-evolving, curious child, I can never find it when I need things the most!

Last week, as I rushed around like a numbskull, after two 12-hour night shifts and trips to the School, shopping for groceries and trying to stay awake, I suddenly noticed (only when I needed them, to be honest) that somehow I'd managed to misplace or absently put away my house keys, bicycle keys and ALL the other keys that stayed in one loop...!  After nine hours of agonizingly going over every square inch of the house, retracing my steps hundreds of times and asking my 7 year old  (who had held them last of all), I was confused, upset and overwhelmed at my own incompetence. I blamed my absent mindedness and buried my disappointment under a frantic hunt for the lost item. Oblivious to the fact that S had simply left my home n bicycle keys on Thursday, behind her School-grown pot of coriander on the window sill, I hunted all over the damned house. I had to cancel an appointment I had volunteered to attend, and searched everywhere, muttering with barely-contained anger and a startled disbelief at the microscopic capabilities of my brain to short-circuit out of order at the slightest opportunity.

I am so well-versed with her nature and little habits to hold/ hoard stuff in her room that I meticulously searched it from wall to wall. Then,hoping she must have taken them to school, safe in her coat pocket I even rang them on the chance that they may be found by her Teacher but that was not the case. At the end of it all, after a whole day of searching till I'd exhausted myself mentally, they miraculously materialized when she was at the kitchen table having her tea with Dad n sis. It turned out that she had left them on the sill when she watched her bus pull up outside that morning.

Today, it was my wallet that went missing. I was frantic and had to cancel my Debit cards, and all that- only to come home at five and be told by R that ,"Mummy, I KNOW where your wallet is- S had it under her bed (!!??) " .I had been at work last night, and was unaware that she had sneaked it upstairs and hidden in the kids' toy box under the bed. R was searching for things to play with in the early morning when she found it. Being 7 yrs old herself, she forgot to mention S's hiding place as I readied them for School! I have a feeling my little Miss S was a MAGPIE in her previous incarnation!! 

The "NO!!" answer.

Whenever I despair about my child's behaviour or worry about her 'reason' for behaving as she sometimes does, I feel totally lost for answers.... Her Special Needs are  like a vein, thin but impermeable. They sometimes keep me from understanding a lot of what goes on in that mind and heart of hers, so I feel inadequate as a mother. Some days are good; she will give me an angelic smile, maybe even a hug if I'm lucky, and say, "I love you, Mummy". On others, for a seemingly inexplicable reason, she will shout, scream and push me away if I try to pacify her when she gets herself worked-up, which is about ten times a day.

It starts from the time I try to wake her up and ends (if we're lucky) when she finally falls asleep at night. She will sometimes wake up two or three times a night, and is restless and fidgety even in her sleep. She may be asleep or awake when I quietly make my way to her room in the morning, but I'm mostly scared of her shouting out "NOOO"... " I DON'T want to wake up!!" or simply shouting because it's me she sees rather than her Dad. On lucky-break days, the preliminaries (such as brushing her teeth, breakfast etc) dealt with, I offer to help her dress when she screams with frustration. It could be her T-shirt sleeves she's struggling with, or the state of her hitherto shoulder-length hair) She sometimes shouts and screams angrily, on the brink of a meltdown (pushing me dangerously close to one myself) at being asked to swap her shoes over when they are on the wrong feet.

She hates being told to do anything and only takes directions from her Daddy dearest, who is by then, on his way to work. Sometimes, as we go through the motions of our daily power-struggle, the School Bus arrives and R runs to open the door, which makes S become even more agitated at realising (or being told) she is keeping someone waiting. I reach out to iron her jumper or comb her hair and get a high-pitched screech that makes me cringe.  I have asked many professionals, friends, parents of other girls with SN, what could be making her upset- The dreaded, horrid question resurfaces unbidden, "Is it ME!!??" ...."Am I doing something wrong that is setting her 'off' like this!??"

All I know is it is painful and heartbreaking to live through it everyday...Especially because I am the only parent/adult/person she is so volatile towards. Sometimes she gives me an unexpected, crushing hug and I meld into her arms, mentally thanking God for His infinite love an kindness and at times, she will push me away as if I am invading her very being... I was greatly helped by a friend and her two hour experience of my interaction with my daughter, and her suggestion was spot-on. I googled- oppositional defiance disorder and was shocked by how incredible it was that none of the so-called professionals had ever seen what a mother of another child with struggles and trials, worries and anxieties somewhat similar to my own could see.

Asking he if she wants something which I suspect she does (food, clean socks, lump of cheese, juice, water, etc) brings about a 'hmmm' response, or if prompted into politeness, a "yes please, mummy" but it depends on her mood. She will challenge or shout, ignore of simply defy all my directions, instructions, 'routine charts' and timer-monitored tasks. Things will roll smoothly at School where, I am told, she is sometimes defiant but easy to manage with 'tokens' and stickers, praise and encouragement. While I offer her lots of verbal praise and make it a point to tell her Daddy dearest about her good behaviour, (conveniently forgetting the bad!), use sticker charts and prize tokens etc, her approach to me is one of nonchalance and ill-disguised indifference. The only emotion she displays is if I crack up and run away upstairs, and burst into tears, and she laughs her head off at the sight. Her little sister scolds her, saying" Shame on you, S, you've made poor mummy so sad, can't you see she's crying because she loves you??!".

I have learned to control my own feelings; they serve no purpose and are merely wasted on my child who is often unable to vocalize her own. I refrain from talking in anything but the simplest of sentences. I give only the briefest of instructions. I have to constantly remind myself that a word count of over five per sentence is a NO NO. The best times are when I keep my wits and hang on to my patience and optimism. I tap into my reserves of faith and Hope in His love for us all....I do not pray in the conventional Hindu sense, but my bond with Him is as strong, if not stronger, than  my bond with my own children.