The Little Magpie

Ever wonder how hard it is to follow the thought process of a child like mine!? I mean, if its about following the trail of destruction and messiness that she leaves in her wake, I can reconstruct her damage-inflicting spree of bored disdain with a great deal of accuracy. Chocolate, cheese, drinks and soap, water, washing-up liquid, cushions and clothes... nothing is safe from her when she gets into that mood.
It's almost as if I can see what, when and how she feels a certain way, but the WHY escapes me... Invariably, it is the subtle, quiet workings of her mind that flummox me. How do I 'train' myself to re-wind from an unexpected situation and conclude that she had a hand in the cookie-jar, so to speak??! Simply put, my approach to mayhem is no evidence, no blame.... I always blame the stress factor in my own life on my inability to find things, and I have an appalling sense of recall. I put things in the same place for years, and if I change that place to render the article safe from my ever-evolving, curious child, I can never find it when I need things the most!

Last week, as I rushed around like a numbskull, after two 12-hour night shifts and trips to the School, shopping for groceries and trying to stay awake, I suddenly noticed (only when I needed them, to be honest) that somehow I'd managed to misplace or absently put away my house keys, bicycle keys and ALL the other keys that stayed in one loop...!  After nine hours of agonizingly going over every square inch of the house, retracing my steps hundreds of times and asking my 7 year old  (who had held them last of all), I was confused, upset and overwhelmed at my own incompetence. I blamed my absent mindedness and buried my disappointment under a frantic hunt for the lost item. Oblivious to the fact that S had simply left my home n bicycle keys on Thursday, behind her School-grown pot of coriander on the window sill, I hunted all over the damned house. I had to cancel an appointment I had volunteered to attend, and searched everywhere, muttering with barely-contained anger and a startled disbelief at the microscopic capabilities of my brain to short-circuit out of order at the slightest opportunity.

I am so well-versed with her nature and little habits to hold/ hoard stuff in her room that I meticulously searched it from wall to wall. Then,hoping she must have taken them to school, safe in her coat pocket I even rang them on the chance that they may be found by her Teacher but that was not the case. At the end of it all, after a whole day of searching till I'd exhausted myself mentally, they miraculously materialized when she was at the kitchen table having her tea with Dad n sis. It turned out that she had left them on the sill when she watched her bus pull up outside that morning.

Today, it was my wallet that went missing. I was frantic and had to cancel my Debit cards, and all that- only to come home at five and be told by R that ,"Mummy, I KNOW where your wallet is- S had it under her bed (!!??) " .I had been at work last night, and was unaware that she had sneaked it upstairs and hidden in the kids' toy box under the bed. R was searching for things to play with in the early morning when she found it. Being 7 yrs old herself, she forgot to mention S's hiding place as I readied them for School! I have a feeling my little Miss S was a MAGPIE in her previous incarnation!! 

A Loving Prayer for my newborn Niece

My Dearest Brother Digvijay and Prachi 

I was thinking of you both for a lot many days before your baby arrived as I waited for the news! On my way to work and back, I waited and then some more!!  So here is something I've been thinking, and mulling and sort-of wish you too- Now that she's finally here, its here for you, with my prayers and best wishes to your little FAMILY!!

You met one day, 

By the good Lord's will,

and promptly fell in love,

Then marriage vows united you, 

with blessings from above.

The years roll by,

with life on a high,

and loved ones watch and cheer,

you live in joy and love complete, 

now your little darling is here!!

So, wish you wonderful years ahead

and I want to say just this,

May His blessings always shower you all

with Love and Care and Bliss,

and as you gaze upon her face,

and hold her close to your heart,

she fills your lives with amazing Grace,

and this is just a start!!

'Life is Love' and no one else 

can show us this so clearly,

as this little gift of Love in your arms,

that you both hold so dearly!!

God bless this little one,

as she fills your eyes with tears of merry, joyful laughter,
this angelic bundle of delight, your precious little daughter!!

- (this is something I wrote last night for you both)

May you all have a life full of total Joy...she will soon begin to grow and make your hearts just glow with pride at each and every moment! I Pray that all your moments are filled with this little very REAL DREAM!! She will smile, and yawn, cry or sneeze, roll and then crawl, and walk holding your hands,and give you all her love making you feel like the luckiest people in the world!! 

You gaze at the little miracle so perfectly formed, and instantly fall in love again!! Her tiny, perfect hands and toes, her little eyes and downy hair, her baby-smell, her sleepy face, her cuddly, snuggly warmth... As you hold her close and stroke her face, remember how much you were loved by our parents too, and now its your turn- to give it back to the Universe and especially to the proud grandparents!! 

So cherish her, love and share the miracle of parenthood, in all its beauteous glory...

There's nothing quit like LOVE, when it comes to life's story!

I'm sure, in time, she will learn all about life from two of the most loving, adventurous, wise and special parents in the world, YOU TWO! For now, just enjoy her and experience each second with this most special blessing from God-and reflect on how beautiful it is to just BE PARENTS!!! 

I wish you Love and may God bless her, my little niece...!! I wish I were there, to see her now, but I know in my heart it will be soon....

-with all my love,

yours, Ruch

Rough and tumble: A & E

It is a well-known fact that children are accident prone. More often than not they fall, bump their head, scrape their face, hands or knees... Or worse still, jump right into danger when their parent or another responsible adult takes their eyes off them for a few minutes. Lulled into a momentary false sense of ( the girls') safety, H tried to multi-task and clean his car while the girls were in the trampoline. Unwatched for a few minutes, they jumped, swung around on the nets and S promptly fell out landing on the hard paved patio. That she did not hit her head and was saved by virtue of her leg caught up in the safety net was nothing short of a lucky miracle. Being as it was, she hurt her arm and the impact made her whole wrist, palm and arm seize up in pain.

The first thing I notice when I get home from work is the frown on her tear-stained face.... She reacts to my "Hello beta, how was your day!?" with a grunt and a rough swipe. S is sitting near her sister in bed, watching a kiddie-movie. It is around 22:00 on one of the last few days of the Summer Holidays... Rani fills me in on the details of her injury. Soon, H walks into the room and we talk about it, briefly. I save my questions and concern for later.... I've learnt from my past experiences with S- if we downplay any minor injuries she is likely to quit making a big fuss over it. Alarm bells, however, ring in my head as I watch her hold her hand partly folded into a loose fist. Suddenly, It doesn't seem all that minor an injury to me. Quietly, I leave the room as H and I take our conversation into our bedroom. I ask him, seriously, if he would take us to A & E??! He says it seems to be better now, and suggests we let her rest tonight, with the possibility of taking her there in the morning. Since I was not present when she sustained the fall, I decide to take his advice and let it rest for a day...

The next morning, 01st Sept. 2012, a Saturday dawns sunny and bright. As the kids awaken and go through their morning routine, I watch S' hand closely for any tell-tale signs of swelling- the indications a fracture. Aside from some screaming and shouting at me (which is the norm, rather than an exception) when I attempt to help her change her clothes, she retains her sour mood- brightening up only around her Dad when he wakes up. I notice her pain, the way she is holding her hand.... and I feel worried, anxious and perplexed at S' behaviour towards me- best described as indifferent, with spurts of clinging shower-of-love moments. I hug her back when she demands it, feeling drained and empty inside.... worried and stressed no end.
As I reluctantly get ready for work, I tell H we should take her into A & E and get her hand examined, as she was still complaining of a lot of pain there. He finally agrees to drop us off and pick us up if we're seen before I go onto my Ward adn start work. We make it there before noon! We're seen by the Lady atthe reception, and I tell her my concerns, she notes down the history, and nature of the injury, and directs us to take a seat. S fidgets and is jumpy, but all I can see is the way her hand and arm look and feel. she does not let me touch her arm at all. After about half an hour's wait, she is shown into the Paediatric A & E area, where she is instantly absorbed by the toys and games. A young nurse with a cheerful smile calls out her name and she shuffles to her feet, smiling shyly. A senior nurse-practitioner examines her arm and hand asking her about the pain and talking to me about the nature of the injury. She asks S about the fall, the pain and where it hurts. S points out the palm of her hand and the area around her wrist. The nurse says it is probably nothing major, but agrees that an X-Ray will rule-out a hidden injury, and given S' ASD, I am relieved at her decision.
After an X-Ray request has been filed, we are shown to the Imaging Dept. via A & E Majors. S wants to touch everything and doesn't want to hold my hand at all. In a few minutes, we're standing at the Imaging Reception, looking into an unmanned reception window, waiting. I glance down at S and smile reassuringly, and she smiles back, her little face barely clearing the window base. she looks like a disembodied cherub-face, floating curiously...! A young man with thin features and blond hair shows up and asks me, " Yes, May I help you?" , and I give him our family name. " Can you spell the name for me please?". S-H-I-.... I begin, and he types it down quickly, looking for the request. " There's nothing on the system, yet," he says, " would you and S like to wait here for a few minutes?" "That's fine, " I say, when S pipes up at the young lad, surprising me. " What is your name?"... " Luke, " he says, smiling at her for the second time, " My name is Luke"... " Hello, Luke!" S says to him, as I look down at her in awe of her friendly, open alter-ego! She's full of surprises at times and sometimes oh-so-predictable... S sits down and points at a chair a little further away from the one she's occupying. I sit down in it, obediently, eyes dancing with a hidden smile. s giggles, and jumps into the seat next to me. We play the "silent-chatter" game, where S whispers loudly and I whisper back in a whisper....talking about anything that interests her. The waiting area is empty, so she does not cause me any embarrassment by asking questions about people with the inherent frankness of childhood.

About five minutes later, a Radiographer calls out her name and we make our way down to meet her. Ten more minutes and we exit the X-Ray room- S grinning from ear to ear, showing off her sticker! On our ay out to Paeds again, we walk past Luke, pushing a portable X-Ray machine in from Majors. " Bye, Luke", S pipes up, making him smile in surprise. I like the way he smiles at her, genuinely touched that she remembered his name! That's my S for you, in a nutshell. She may not remember which shoe goes on which foot, or whether or not her vest or T-shirt is on the right way around, but she never forgets people's names, things they like and how they made her feel...It took us another couple of visits to A & E to sort our her arm, but eventually, I think, I learned something from my daughter that day.

About how pain is a state of mind.
What matters is that one trusts the judgement of an expert, but also makes allowances for the little niggling 'voice' inside.
How a kid will be a kid. Always.

The second visit came on Tuesday, the 4th of Sept. This was the day she had cried a lot, screaming in pain when trying to put on her top, and jumper. Soon, her screaming escalated and became more of an angry outburst, when I tried to help her. In the evening, as soon as she returned from school, we walked over to see our GP, and he said we should go down to A & E again, as the top of her arm was tender and seemed to be causing her pain. The way she held her arm by her side also made me worried. We made our way down, H's uncle dropping us off at the entrance, and we walked in again. The nurse listened to my concern, and referred S to the Paediatrician. The good doctor examined her after a half an hour wait. S was absorbed in the games and toys, and I, in watching her. He said he was reluctant to X-Ray the upper arm cos the hand had been fine, and it was probably a sore muscle. They gave her some Ibuprofen and Paracetamol, and after another half-an-hour, they saw her again. This time, when the doctor asked her if she had any pain, she said, " No." He spoke to me about bringing her in in case the pain worsened, but sent us off with the two painkillers. S was happy enough, and when I told her to go say thank you to the nurse and doctor, she gave them both a big smile and did as she was told. The doctor took her hand and said, " you're welcome, S!" and brought her to the linen room, where they had a box full of teddy bears. He invited S to select one to take home,  and she picked one dressed in her favourite colour- green.

S outside the Hospital, waiting to be picked up.

Post Script: Excerpt from my diary- 

 Have returned from our THIRD trip to A & E... half an hour ago... Its now 2304 Hrs... girls asleep- Raj just managed to put the girls to bed... The A & E sister said it was probably nothing, and when I insisted she was in pain for a couple of days, she thought it was best to X-Ray the shoulder. It turned out to be a fractured humerus.... They gave her a sling and a morning 'fracture clinic' appt for tmrw. Thank God, its not major, but I felt like a fool cos no one would believe me. Hubby stood by me and came along, so that was good... but he also told the nurse-in-charge, about our reason for visit being  ".... my wife, here is worried about my daughter's arm now..." She will be seen by the Orthopaedic doctor tomorrow. I guess if the doc yesterday would have requested an X-ray it would have been picked up then, but its S we're talking about! She thinks everything's a lark!!
Kids fed, watered and tucked into bed. S' Painkillers given. Fast asleep now... A & E staff were brilliant!!! 100% dedicated people! ( Working round the clock, without a break on 12 hour-shifts is no mean feat! SALUT!)

One fine day...

This month, I began to do my first early shifts in over four years (Early Shifts start at 0700 and finish at 1515) and they went well...  I do not know if it was the summery haze, gentle breeze or the bright sunshine, but it definitely helped lift my mood as I cycled home in the afternoon.. There was the prospect of  a nice lunch n dinner for B (my husband), and a walk in the park with my two daughters featuring on my 'yet to-do' list. Returning home, I found the kids upstairs with B, enjoying a 'scary' movie. On the kitchen table, Rani, my youngest,  had left a couple of pictures she drew that morning, one for her Dad,  (image below) who she adores and obeys without question.

R's drawing for her Daddy dearest!

B has a way with them, which I try to observe, now that we have more time together as a foursome. Earlier, he would return from work exhausted, and find the kids in bed already. He would have to restrict his cuddles and loving kisses so as to not wake them up (S is a really light sleeper; R is so much better) But now that he's temporarily off work and in-between jobs, he is finally getting to spend a lot more time with the girls. B's love for them manifests in the way he looks after them, looks AT them and understands and disciplines them. (Case in point- as he cleans up/hoovers/organizes things around our home he has an army of 2 'foot-soldiers'  dusting, cleaning or helping him in his DIY activities etc.)
Now, he even has them wiping down their table after a kiddie meal/treat, much to my amazement!! As I cycled to TESCO to buy some Lunch and picnic treats (for later in the week), I thought about whether the kids really cared about 'going out and doing things' as a family, or, like B himself, they are simply content to play and stay at home?? Was it me who needed to get out, and if so, shouldn't I just go ride my bike for as long as I was tired, rather than persuade all my family to get up and get going when they'd rather not? The difficulty of the decision lies in the varying attitudes of my kids. S, like B is content to do whatever it is he's doing. If he lays down on the bed, munching crisps and watching an old film, she will be more than happy to. R, on the other hand, has inherited my restless spirit... She likes to go out to the park, meet her girlfriends for a few hours (where they hug each other gleefully as if they haven't seen each other in years while us Mums make small talk.)
I cooked, cleared the battle-zone a.k.a kitchen and summoned the girls to dinner. After dinner, I got the kids ready to go to the park. Easy enough, when it comes to R, who is compliant and 'understands' when I say, " Baby, you'll need a sun-hat and can I comb your hair ( more like a 'hornet's nest')  please??!" She sits patiently as I attempt to tame her hip-length tresses using tangle-free (which, incidentally was a great discovery, as it helps overcome the morning school-rush-time tantrums by S), a wide-toothed comb and bands...
S, on the other hand, my delightfully notorious, challenge of a daughter, predictably enough, screamed at the sight of the comb. Okay, I told myself, I can do this! I tried to reason, cajole and persuade her- following it up by an ultimatum "we're NOT going until you let me sort out your hair, dear" and "Please let me, at least, comb it out and give you a hair-band". WRONG MOVE, Ruchita, I told myself... Still, nothing worked. She dug her heels in, and I planted my feet firmly. Face-Off. big time, if you ask me. Inwardly, I was not sure she would comply, outwardly, I put on a brave face- my 'I-know-how-you-feel-but-this-is-non negotiable' face. Minutes ticked by....then she, defiantly, took her wheelie-scooter thing outside the door, and I followed her out and said "we're not going if you don't help me". some of you may be thinking, 'why all the fuss, let her go as she is' but it's not that easy to watch my beautiful, energetic autistic daughter get more than her share of 'looks' from others in the park- (kids, parents etc) simply because she looked like she'd been dragged through the hedge. Backwards.
The last straw came when she lashed out at me, verbally, shouting at me and using the f-word. I told her to go inside and wait for me to get back. I made it clear to her that she was to go "inside and stay with Daddy", who I rang up, half-a-minute later, appraising him of the new situation. He said he was fine, and did talk to her and asked her what she had done wrong? She told him she'd said the 'F' word to me.... They talked about it, and she promised him she would not do that again. After an hour and a half in the park, Rani and I came back home. S had, I hope, learned her lesson. R had a good time. I was totally miserable....  but then, that's life!

Cakes, Bakes and summer Birthdays- Vol 2

B's birthday was aglow with the beauty of the summer sun, and made me smile as soon as I pulled back the curtains.  Actually, it was R who woke me up with her excited cry of " Mummyyy, we have to finish Dade's cake (she says Daddy and writes it as Dade, and, so did I.)!! So, I got up and we all wished B a very happy birthday.He was sorry he had to go to work (little knowing the surprise I had in store for him later!) and promised to try to get home soon that evening.
After the girls had their lunch, I fried some samosas added squashes for the journey and a packet of Doritos to our backpack and set off with the girls beside me in their summer hats and jumpsuits. We walked to a bus stop nearby and waited for our bus to arrive. After half-an-hour of waiting (by which time the girls had counted cars, trucks and trailers, smiled at babies in buggies and women on bicycles and swigged from their drink bottles a few times) the bus drew up level and we got inside, thankful to have escaped the heat for a bit! Then, S started her favourite 'journey' game, loudly commenting on why the bus made her fall back into her seat (at which I tried to recollect my vaguely remembered knowledge of Physics- momentum and the inertia of motion) She seemed satisfied by my answer but the answer itself, gave rise to more questions. I promised to google it later on, and show her the results. So, once more, peace prevailed in the bus! On public transport, S constantly observes people, things and views out of the window, and occasionally says, "Are we there, yet!!?" a-la- donkey in SHREK. She is fidgety, affectionate and sometimes gets upset when I tell her off for smacking her little sister out in public places. At home, she is always pushing, punching, poking or shoving her sister, which makes me sad and angry.
When we reached Hemel Hempstead, where B works as a store manager in the Town Centre, we thanked the bus driver, got down at the stop and made our way down the high street.
Inside B's store, his staff, who were in on the surprise, tried to help smuggle us upstairs to B's office. S, however, had different plans, and had started giggling, and grinned at her Dad when she caught his eye! So, we all came out of hiding, and it was so worthwhile just to see the delighted surprise on B's face as he said, "Hi!! What are you all doing here!!!?" and scooped the squealing, smiling girls up into a big, high hug!
Later, after an office-room birthday celebration with his good colleagues AB and NG, we headed home after the tills had been balanced and the store closed for the day. The ride home, in B's car was special too, as we felt part of his daily commute; something I had only imagined him doing everyday for the last few years.  the kids chatted excitedly in the back, and nibbled on the Doritos. The wind whipped through my hair as I gazed contentedly at the orange ball of fire that was the setting sun, dipping down gracefully, low on the horizon...It had been a good day!
We chatted about the loveliness of the countryside, his face and eyes bathed in the glow of the sunset. Inside, I smiled and thanked the Lord for having given me the idea and will to do this for us all. In more ways than one, it was a truly beautiful birthday!! Happy Birthday, honey! You are the sun, glowing on my horizon, guiding me home, making me fly... you are the laughter of our children, the naughty twinkle in their eyes, the gentle touch of their fingers and the trusting clasp of their tiny hands... You, my dear, are my life.
Thank you for being mine!
xxx